I am still working through my notes and thoughts on James, and I will share them soon. At the end of the Soteriology class I was asked to write a paper about my understanding of salvation, specifically salvation for eternity. It was eye-opening to put down in writing my journey to understand this free gift in light of being so performance and works-minded for much of my life so far. The thoughts below aren't my paper, but rather some snapshots into my journey.
When I was a kid I struggled to know if my salvation was permanent. I have a pretty sensitive conscience, and I had very little trouble owning up, at least to myself, that I was a sinful little squirt. I can remember praying the "salvation" prayer many times as a child because I thought my eternal security hinged on my behavior. I just somehow had to be good enough, but inside I knew I was never good enough when placed next to God's standard of perfection. I knew I was a sinner and felt conviction on a pretty regular basis even though I was often labeled a "good kid" by the people around me. I knew how to be good outwardly, when people were watching, but that is truly only skin-deep. I don't remember being specifically taught that I could lose my salvation due to my behavior in a church or even by my parents, but I picked it up somewhere. We were in many different denominations throughout my childhood, and some were more works focused, and others swung too far into the "grace covers everything" arena. For most of my adult life I have tried to understand this issue of salvation by faith alone when the Bible seems to talk about works being a part of the process. In all honestly I was afraid of how my day before the judgement seat would go. Would I get a pass or a fail? Had I been good enough? Had I repented from every sin?
I have been living in a lot of fear from some poor understanding and instruction in salvation most specifically, and I feel like a weight has been taken off of my shoulders as I've been able to let go of some fears. This class on the doctrine of salvation has put more pieces of the puzzle together for me which I'll continue to share as time permits.
There has also been another situation which has forced Peter and I to try and understand what it means to be saved. Mormons! Over the last several years, Peter and I have been blessed to befriend many Mormon missionaries. We typically offend them a bit, (we've had a few in tears) I think because we do try and build a relationship with them and because we do confront them with the truth of the Gospel, specifically the Gospel as pertains to God's grace for sinners. Amazingly, when new missionaries come to town, they call us up again and again. For some reason we're still on the list. In our conversations with them the idea of works being a necessary part of salvation comes up very often. Their book of Mormon states: "For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren to believe in Christ and be reconciled to God; for we know that is by grace we have been saved, after all that we can do.(emphasis mine) 2 Nephi 25:23
I will often quote the verses in Ephesians 2: 8-9. "For it is by grace, you have been saved through faith and this not of yourselves. It is the gift of God, not by works so that no man can boast." I would quote them this verse with confidence, and they would come back with the James 2:14 and following where it appears that James is saying that it takes faith and works to be "saved". We would get a little stumped to be honest, and I never felt that our answer was satisfactory. Obviously there are many different issues where the Bible and the teachings of the Mormons, including the Book of Mormon, don't agree. But, this issue of how we are saved from our sins for eternity is crucial.
I was thrilled when we took several weeks to study the book of James in our soteriology class. Even Martin Luther struggled to reconcile it with Paul's teaching about salvation by faith alone to the point that he wanted James out of the Bible. But, now it makes sense to me, and I'm enjoying going back through my notes and feeling peace about what James had to say.
One Mormon missionary indicated that she would not know about her standing with God, (whether she was righteous 'enough') until she died. What has been eye-opening to me is that this train of thought seems to be common among those who hold to the perseverance of the saints or Lordship salvation view, at least in my own experience, as presented by our instructor, and in my own reading of MacArthur's book, The Gospel According to Jesus.
I have held to this view most of my life, (didn't know it had a name until recently) so this is not an attack on anyone, but if we follow the line of thinking that our eternal salvation does depend, in part, on us, and on how well we finish or persevere, we can't be sure that we are saved until death! This is where my fear has been rooted, and, while there is much debate about this view of "free grace" which also ties into the doctrine of rewards and even the view on the the kingdom of heaven and heaven being two different things (more on that in another post hopefully) I see God's grace in such a new light, and I don't live in fear that I'll get a reject when I arrive in heaven.
There you have some snapshots of my story and journey. God is good, and I'm so blessed by His grace and forgiveness, given freely, no strings attached, when I simply believed!
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